Home
Apr. 23rd, 2008 @ 05:10 pm Time For Some Stories
Buddy Christ
Current Mood: in hysterics
You guys know I only post up the best links, especially when it comes to comedy. Well, here's the latest corker I've stumbled across. Gut-busting, tear-inducing... only the best:

http://www.storylog.com/time-for-some-stories/

You're welcome. Enjoy.

.:Dominitus:.
Mar. 15th, 2008 @ 04:14 pm Yoinked from [info]devilmiyu!
Dominitus
Current Location: The Sweatshop
Current Mood: amused
Tags: ,
Actual Newspaper Headlines...

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms


Some become unintentionally suggestive...

Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Child's stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax


Grammar often botches over headlines...

Eye drops off shelf
Squad helps dog bite victims
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Enrage cow injures farmer with ax
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Miners refuse to work after death
Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter


Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:

Never withhold herpes from loved one
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better


Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious...

If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while.
War dims hope for peace
Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Child's death ruins couple's holiday
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Man is fatally slain
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation



.:Dominitus:.
Feb. 20th, 2008 @ 05:32 pm An unfortunate and amusing truth.
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
This is my new desktop wallpaper:

"Duty Calls"


If anyone wants a 1280x1024 copy, I've made a hack-job-one and put it up here:

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

.:Dominitus:.
Feb. 5th, 2008 @ 12:32 pm Youtube: "Funny Auditions for movie"
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused

Mate linked this to me at work. I had to cover my mouth and nose with my hand because I was afraid I was going to laugh so loud and so hard people would think I was insane. Well. More insane.

.:Dominitus:.
Oct. 24th, 2007 @ 10:12 am Floating your Boat
Dominitus
Current Music: The Mysterious Ticking Noise
I have watched this video far more times than what is probably considered healthy, and so I'm posting here both to share and for handy reference:

Potter Puppet Pals in "The Mysterious Ticking Noise"

Also this tickled my fancy this morning:

"Some people that work here had a going away party the other day for a woman that is leaving.

One of the supervisors called a Wal-Mart and ordered the cake. he told them to write: "Best wishes Suzanne" and underneath that write "We will miss you". Here’s the cake that was delivered:"

The Cake )

Hope you're all having a decent week thus far.

.:Dominitus:.
Oct. 9th, 2007 @ 06:35 pm Chickin' Bashin'
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
Tags: , , ,
Wahaha... hey [info]tahnee, have you tried bashing up the chickens in the main village in Phantom Hourglass? Keep using your batarang on 'em... bloody funny. :D This only reinforces what I already knew.

.:Dom:.
Sep. 28th, 2007 @ 12:11 pm more lolcats
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
Long story short, I wanted to add the Playstation.Blog website's RSS feed to my LJ flist, which meant I ended up browsing some of the other syndicated feeds and noticed icanhasacheezburger.com was syndicated. Queue me browsing through the website and giggling a lot, but these two jumped out at me and really made me laugh - had to repost them here:

128297246539688750andthetrogdor.jpg

and

128296977529376250ohhaideezgo.jpg

.:Dominitus:.
Sep. 19th, 2007 @ 06:26 pm Mitchell and Webb - Write this..or that..or maybe
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
Tags: ,

Reminder to self: Find more of this show, self, because I want to watch it!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/thatmitchellandwebbsite/
Sep. 13th, 2007 @ 05:11 pm He looks kind of sad. :-/
Dominitus
Current Mood: listless
Leaning over my bin as I reached for the VCR, I noticed a discarded DVD which had two discarded VHS protection tabs sitting on top of it which looked kind of like eyes.

Cue me spending 10 minutes constructing a DVD-face with double-sided tape, aforemention VHS protection tabs for eyes and a looped VHS sticky label for a mouth, which is now proudly on display on my notice board.

EDIT:
Mr Sad DVD Head

....... it must be late afternoon. >_<

.:Dominitus:.
Sep. 11th, 2007 @ 06:08 pm LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!111
Dominitus
Current Music: the echoes of my sadistic laughter at his pitiful tears
I have seen a lot of internet videos in my time.

This... is one of the funniest. I swear I almost died laughing.

This HAS be the next internet video phenomenon... I can just feel it.

Enjoy.



.:Dominitus:.
Sep. 9th, 2007 @ 10:05 am Madness?
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
I'm playing Phoenix Wright 3, and this is the joke I just got hit with:

Maya: "Umm, would you mind taking a look at this?"
Basil: "I'm sorry. That data is SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected."
Maya: "SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected!? What!? This is madness!"
Phoenix: "No, Maya, that is SPARDA."

I laughed and groaned, all at the same time. :)

.:Dominitus:.
Sep. 7th, 2007 @ 02:52 pm Quantum Kitty
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
A lot of the "lolcats" pics make me laugh, but I hadn't seen this one before today and I found it particularly hilarious:



Of course, the couple of glasses of cab sav I've just had probably helped with that. :)

.:Dominitus:.
Sep. 6th, 2007 @ 12:58 pm Holy hell, it's THURSDAY?!
Dalek - fux0rz
Current Mood: shocked
The accountant walked in and I'm thinking "Hmm, what are you doing in a day early?" So I asked him "What day is it today?" And he answered "Thursday", before looking slightly panicked and saying "At least, I bloody-well hope it's Thursday... yeah, look, on your monitor (pointing at the time/date on the top of my screen). It is Thursday."

Bloody hell! Thursday already? Where the fuck did Wednesday go?! I could've sworn there was another day to go before Thursday... dammit, I had things all planned and now they're compressed in to a day! On the flipside, the weekend is totally closer than I thought it was. That's pretty ace.

Whew. Mixed emotions on that one, but bloody hell! It's THURSDAY people! I so did not realise.

.:Dominitus:.
Aug. 10th, 2007 @ 01:33 pm Do not f*ck with chickens.
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: War Pigs by Black Sabbath
Tags: ,
They're ice-cold muthas. I'd be scared if they stared at ME like that, with that whole "If you so much as MOVE..." look about them.

http://br.youtube.com/watch?v=D35uQCtr4EY

"We're keeping an eye on you hoppers, so you'd better damn well behave." *strut, strut, strut*

.:Dominitus:.
Jul. 18th, 2007 @ 12:55 pm The Meaning Of Life
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
Hehe... I was working out some timings to write on a video label using the calculator... I got the answer and wrote it down but left the calculator up. Now I've just gone back to it and was about to close it when I notice the answer I was given: 42. It really is the answer to everything! :D

.:Dominitus:.
Jul. 11th, 2007 @ 04:46 pm And the outlook for the night ahead: boozy and geek-gamey. Coincidence?
Dominitus
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: I'm Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally // The Fragile (Right) by Nine Inch Nails
I went out, and by the time I walked back to the office I was carrying a large black printer cartridge in one hand and a bottle of clearskin cab sav in the other, wondering if this said something about me and/or my life in its current state.

.:Dominitus:.
May. 24th, 2007 @ 08:10 am Nailed It
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
What with the recent concerts and everything, Nine Inch Nails has been getting a bit of discussion time from me in the office. Dean, who is a music-lover and musician, said he wouldn't mind getting some of their stuff to have a listen to. I looked at him dubiously. "Okay, but I really don't think it's the sort of music you would enjoy."
He gave me a knowing look and said "Well, you never know!"
So I burned him off a CD with Fragile, And All That Could Have Been, With Teeth and Year Zero on it.

A couple of weeks later, I'd pretty much forgotten all about it, until he brought it up while we were going over some stuff. It was kind of like "We have to do this job, and then we should print out the invoices for this, and here," he says, handing me back the CD with a smile, "You were right." I sort of took it and looked confused for a second before busting up laughing.

Can't say I didn't warn him! I wonder how much he got through before giving up? My bet is he didn't even make it through "Somewhat Damaged". ;)

.:Dominitus:.
May. 7th, 2007 @ 07:42 am The stuff of nightmares
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
"A lot of my nightmares when I was a kid started with me going into a room and flicking the light switch, when the light didn't come on, I knew something horrible was going to happen! So I don't sleep in a room where the light has blown." - [info]tahnee

I hope, then, that you always have the chance to change your light-bulb before bedtime, cause I don't have that luxury and there's no way I'm not sleeping in my bed. And besides that, don't you sleep with the light out anyway?

Believe it or not my two greatest nightmares stemmed from LP albums my dad had. One was "War of the Worlds", which honestly scared me witless at the time, as much as I loved the song that went "The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one, he said. The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one - but still, they come!" DUN-DUN-DUUUHHNNN.. DUH-NA NAAAH NUH-NA NAAAH, DUN DUN DUN!!! Epic song, that.

The other nightmare came from the album cover from the record "Sound Effects of Death and Horror". Why my father had this record, I still don't know, but it was really cool! They had people chopping lettuces in half down as "Decapitation", and all this other awesome stuff. They told you how they made the actual sound effect alongside what it was supposed to sound like. The audio itself wasn't scary at all. But the cover was nightmarish... had a hollow-eyed person screaming with cobwebs coming out of their mouth... it would've given ANYONE nightmares. In the end my mother made him put it up the top of their closet so I wouldn't accidentally see it. :)

It makes me laugh now, the memories of that. And it's odd that we still go out of our way to try and scare ourselves as badly as we scared ourselves when we were kids, with horror movies and scary rides and stuff. Hooray for humanity's twisted psyche!

.:Dominitus:.
Apr. 12th, 2007 @ 05:08 pm They're Watching You
Sin - Trigun
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Vicarious - Tool
Editing together a video at work, I came across a still photo that gave me some inspiration. After a quick few minutes of skiving off work for my own entertainment, I give you the result:

They're Watching You )

Enjoy? :P

.:Dominitus:.
Apr. 12th, 2007 @ 04:00 pm Guilty As Charged
Dominitus
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Jambi - Tool
Tags: , ,
Couple of things. Firstly a mate of mine just sent me this link of a shoot-out between three cops and one teenager, which was amazing to watch.

Secondly JR came up to me today and asked "How would I go about recording a phone conversation?" He explained that his son had to do a phone interview with someone and needed to record it. "Does your phone have a speaker on it? Can you put someone on speaker-phone? You could just hook a mic up to a tape-recorder, or even use your little DV camera to record it." He kind of gaped at me with his mouth open for a few seconds. "You're a genius. You're an absolute genius." And then wandered off back to his office - and I could even hear him in his office saying "He's a genius."

Man. Imagine what his reaction's going to be when I solve a really difficult problem FOR REALS. I'm looking forward to my performance review. :D

.:Dominitus:.